War….what is it good for?

Seinfield episode…silly, stupid, serendipitous events about life that mean nothing at all. Isn’t that what I’ve been writing about? I get caught up in the moment and forget to see the big picture. I use a word whose meaning is either celebrated or deplorable. I started reading a book and want to share a few excerpts from it to let you know what I learned this week.

“We manifest an ideal in our lives. We conform our behavior to the ideal of perfection. So, we are not just saying the words but we are feeling what they mean.” The last month with the boat delay and the airplane cancellation , and the physical illnesses, the ideal was life was too difficult and the perfection I created was utter chaos to the point that I insulted family and friends in my hysteria and for that I apologize from all that is within me and ask your forgiveness.

Having realized this, the next excerpt is as follows:
“One must perform all actions with tranquility and to see every circumstance as an opportunity to manifest perfection.” The day I bought my airplane ticket was the day I made peace with myself, my friends, and my God. I calmed down and took each task with a tranquil heart and spirit. The events began to take place one by one. I purchased a plane ticket and returned to pick up the tickets only to get a refund! I was able to make collect calls. Which by the way, in India you call 000127 then the number. The operator answers the call and connects you for free. What a concept! The insurance claim is in. The credit card dispute is in. I even found out I can change my flight in Beijing when I arrive to leave a few hours later instead of an all night layover and it’s free! So I will be arriving in Yantai within 24 hours of my departure instead of 36 hours. How perfect is that!?!

This tranquility concept works. I know this and I have experienced it many times in my life. How many times is it going to take for this concept to become infused in my heart and soul? How many ups and downs must I endure to finally have an “I could’ve had a V-8” moment? Ufffff, it really is appalling that my mind cannot grasp this simple concept and live it moment to moment. One day I will arrive, until then I still own the movie rights to this story.

The Roy household is quite amusing to observe. There is Satyaki, the husband and son. Uncle (Ishiti’s father) comes and goes so he doesn’t factor in too much. Simba, the dog that really needs to be put down. He is in terrible shape and all they do is yell at him. Then there are 5 females. Ishita, the wife and daughter-in-law, busy working and trying to lose weight. Auntie, the mother and mother-in-law; the matriarch of the family, the elderly woman who is trying to find usefulness in life. Chandana the cook who smiles a smile that can make anyone happy, Sukriti the nanny and Sreeshti the child. Yesterday after Skyping with my mother I realized the flight I thought was Saturday night is really Friday night, Saturday morning 2 a.m. I would have missed my flight if my mother wasn’t so smart! Thanks mom. So I called the Roy’s and said I’m not leaving Saturday night I’m leaving tomorrow night. I called a little while later to see it Satyaki would be in his office as I needed to print out forms for the doctor to release me to travel and all the other paperwork for the claims and disputes. He told me the entire household was in a frantic and upset and sad that I was leaving. Everyone knew I was leaving for China the day I arrived. None of us realized how much we would bond in spirit and in our hearts. The reality of my departure hit and it hit hard. When I left the USA I knew I would miss a few people and my Bunny, but there was no thought of “I don’t want to leave.” Now, I don’t want to leave. I want to stay. I need this China experience and I must go. I know it’s only a few months and I can Skype to see this family that has become an intricate part of my life. I will return and life will go on. My own family fell apart when I was 16 and I haven’t had the care and nurturing of family life for 35 years. I haven’t felt the longing for family ties in such a long time that I am inundated with a heart of love that is bursting at the seams. My heart truly is overflowing with love for the first time in so many years. This is good. This is life and it makes me realize that the war that goes on in my mind - what good is it for? The only answer I can come up with is to learn how to love and be loved.